Paul Mullin admits he “couldn’t give a f*ck” about himself, with his son Albi and his autistic issues taking precedence in his life.
The prolific Wrexham striker has made quite a name for himself in recent years, with a 47-goal haul last season helping propel the Red Dragons back into the Football League. Mullin is a fan favorite in North Wales, with Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney among his many fans, but the 29-year-old is quick to point out that events and difficulties off the field will always take precedence.
Mullin, whose famous ‘A’ hand signal goal celebration pays homage to his little kid, says in his new autobiography ‘My Wrexham Story’: “People say going to an autism discussion group will help me, but I’m not arsed about me.” The only person I’m concerned about in this circumstance is myself. I couldn’t give a f*ck about myself. Albi is important to me. I spend every waking moment considering how I may assist him in overcoming obstacles that he, as a child, cannot anticipate.
As soon as I figure out he can jump one, the next one arises in my brain. Worry can hit me like a cannonball at times. I sit on the couch, sobbing. Or I’ll watch him sleep and experience wave after wave of emotion. I’m not sure why, because I don’t mind that he’s autistic.”
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Mullin added: “What I am, though, is scared. For him, not me. Not knowing how it affects him is what I hate. Does it affect him? Does it not? Does he care? Does he not? I’m constantly trying to get inside his head and sometimes I just hit the wall. It’s as if my own head has split open and a flood of emotion has come pouring out. If one week he isn’t as vocal as the one before, I’ll feel a massive weight of guilt – it’s my fault. Those emotional episodes are necessary in a way, because when I wake up the next day I feel ready to go again. The other side of me is back – I’m on the train again. My focus is there, and it’s a positive focus. ‘You’re being stupid,’ I tell myself. ‘You spend so much time with him that you do know how he works. You know what’s inside his head.’”
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